so last night i was lounging around, watching CSI and eating gingerbread cookies, when Nick Stokes (played by George Eads) saunters on screen sporting a mustache.

George is a freaking hot guy. i mean, homeboy sweats sex…if he walked into my house, my clothes would fall off. stat. he is the human manifestation of a Ken doll, and somehow pulls it off without looking creepy. he’s fucking beautiful. AND HE IS RUINING IT.

i want to make sure that all you gentlemen out there understand that mustaches are in no way, shape, or form acceptable styles of body hair modification. goatees–yes. beards–yes. moustaches–hell to the motherfucking no. they SCREAM sexual predator and make me want to piss my pants so i have to excuse myself and jump out the bathroom window and run down the street screaming in terror…all just to escape the nightmare that is a mustache. the only the man in the world who has been able to pull off the mustache is Clark Gable, and he’s dead, so the rest of you are SOL.

All the above photos, with the exception of Saddam Hussein, were taken from the GBI Sexual Offender database

For the sake of the children…just say no to mustaches.

That is all.

Thank you.