1. WHAT DID YOU DO IN 2005 THAT YOU’D NEVER DONE BEFORE?
rode MARTA all by myself

2. DID YOU KEEP YOUR NEW YEARS’ RESOLUTIONS, AND WILL YOU MAKE MORE FOR NEXT YEAR?
I resolved to be 100% sex-cellent 24/7. I most certainly adhered to my resolution. Next year I resolve to 1000% sex-cellent.

3. DID ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU GIVE BIRTH?
almost.

4. DID ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU DIE?
I’m sure a little piece died inside a lot of us when Ashlee Simpson lip-synched on SNL.

5. WHAT COUNTRIES DID YOU VISIT?
none. stupid bird flu.

6. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE IN 2006 THAT YOU LACKED IN 2005?
a dude who will come over and watch movies and have sex with me and hang out with me at parties and who will do all these things ON A CONSISTENT BASIS.

7. WHAT DATES FROM 2005 WILL REMAIN ETCHED UPON YOUR MEMORY AND WHY?
June 14: Michael Jackson aquitted on all 10 charges.

8. WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST ACHIEVEMENT OF THE YEAR?
dodging AIDS.

9. WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FAILURE?
falling for one of those “Win a free iPod!” scams, then going ahead and buying a 60GB Photo straight up, only for Spawn O’Satan aka Steve Jobs to release iPod Video 3 months later. CURSE YOU STEVE JOBS! CURSE YOU!!!!!!!!

10. DID YOU SUFFER ILLNESS OR INJURY?
i got the consumption

11. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING YOU BOUGHT?
Brian Gumble’s soul.

12. WHOSE BEHAVIOUR MERITED CELEBRATION?
i don’t get this question…is it asking who was the star student of the year? most likely to succeed? if so…i would have to say…no one. i hang with the bad kids. it is conducive to my sex-cellence. unless we’re celebrating one’s ability to get laid…and the i would go with Phil, cuz homeboy gets more action than anyone i know.

13. WHOSE BEHAVIOUR MADE YOU APPALLED AND DEPRESSED?
sorry phil…but i most definitely could have gone without seeing you get naked a bazillion times in the past month. i duck and run everytime i hear “Journey,” thanks to you.

14. WHERE DID MOST OF YOUR MONEY GO?
cigarettes, Moe’s, eBay

15. WHAT DID YOU GET REALLY, REALLY, REALLY EXCITED ABOUT?
Michael Jackson’s acquital…my dad finally getting a job…dodging AIDS

16. WHAT SONG WILL ALWAYS REMIND YOU OF 2005?
“Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani. that god forsaken song was on the radio EVERY GODDAMN MINUTE OF THE DAY.

17. COMPARED TO THIS TIME LAST YEAR ARE YOU:
a) Happier or sadder? sadder
b) Thinner or fatter? fatter
c) Richer or poorer? poorer
“sup my name is Negative Nancy”

18. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU’D DONE MORE OF?
prayer and meditation

19. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU’D DONE LESS OF?
wasting my life away on eBay and myspace

20. HOW WILL YOU BE SPENDING CHRISTMAS?
in Nashville with 2.5 sets of families

21. DID YOU FALL IN LOVE IN 2005?
hell to the naw

22. HOW MANY ONE-NIGHT STANDS?
3…billion! i’m a porn star without the sex.

23. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TV PROGRAM?
WHAT IS WITH THE ‘U’?!?! i like Robot Chicken. it makes me quiver.

24. DO YOU HATE ANYONE NOW THAT YOU DIDN’T HATE LAST YEAR?
i’d rather not talk about it. i’m at work and i’m not trying to get all fired up just thinking about her.

25. WHAT WAS THE BEST BOOK YOU READ?
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

26. WHAT WAS YOUR GREATEST MUSICAL DISCOVERY?
Album 88.5

27. WHAT DID YOU WANT AND GET?
laid

28. WHAT DID YOU WANT AND NOT GET?
laid enough

29. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE FILM OF THE YEAR?
KING KONG

30. WHAT DID YOU DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, AND HOW OLD WERE YOU?
I turned 21 and had a triple birthday extravganza at Dante’s Downt the Hatch and it almost got cancelled because it iced over the night before and we didn’t get to make to the Clermont Lounge but at least we ate some good cheese and decent fondue.

31. WHAT ONE THING WOULD HAVE MADE YOUR YEAR IMMEASURABLY MORE SATISFYING?
my parents not having to move to Austin.

32. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONAL FASHION CONCEPT IN 2005?
eBay chic.

33. WHAT KEPT YOU SANE?
the HP, Lost and Found, Leigh…Melanie sometimes, although she often has the reverse effect…same with Phil.

34. WHICH CELEBRITY/PUBLIC FIGURE DID YOU FANCY THE MOST?
i mean, come on.

35. WHAT POLITICAL ISSUE STIRRED YOU THE MOST?
its my god-given right to be sodomized if i damn well please, so fuck you and your ridunkulous laws in the butthole, Georgia General Assembly.

36. WHO DID YOU MISS?
my parents and sister.

37. WHO WAS THE BEST NEW PERSON YOU MET?
holy crap i refuse to answer this cuz i know i will leave someone out and they will resent me and i will hate myself for it and start cutting again and next thing you know i’m popping xanax and working ponce.

38. TELL US A VALUABLE LIFE LESSON YOU LEARNED IN 2005:
Fuck the police.

39. QUOTE A SONG LYRIC THAT SUMS UP YOUR YEAR.
Ma-ia-hii
Ma-ia-huu
Ma-ia-hoo
Ma-ia-haa

surWhat is your occupation?
smooth operator

What color is your underwear?
underwear shmunderwear. i wear boxer briefs.

What are you listening to right now?
stock brokers telling jewish people how to invest their money

What was the last thing you ate?
ABC gum

Do you wish on stars?
if by “stars” you mean “celebrities”, and by “wish on” you mean “own a shrine dedicated to said ’star’ where you offer small animals as sacrifices”, then yes.

If you were a crayon what color would you be?

You are

What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Last person you spoke to on the phone?
some crotchety old man asking for his crotchety old broker

Do you live life to the fullest?
i take my Metamucil every day

How old are you today?
21 what what

Favorite drink?
bloooood

Favorite sport to watch?
synchronized swimming. i fucking hate sports.

Have you ever dyed your hair?
no. i mean yes. i mean no. i don’t know what’s going on anymore!!!!!

Do you wear glasses or contacts?
pssssh….do I…?!

Pets?
if by pets you mean living creatures that are loud and obnoxious and leave messes all over the house that you have to clean up because they’re too…small [minded]…to do it themselves and who seem to think that the world revolves around them and if you don’t think so to then they’ll attack you with their vicious claws of death but for some reason beyond all knowledge you still love them to pieces even though you want to kick them where the sun don’t shine half the time they’re around? then yes. i live with her. her name is…

Favorite month?
i try to be impartial. i don’t want the other months to start resenting each other.

Favorite food?
pb&j, slices eaten separately (peanut butter ALWAYS first), or my mother’s hash and biscuits

What was the last movie you watched?
Casablanca

Favorite day of the year?
my berfday, yo!

What do you do to vent anger?
i cut myself the wrong way and write whiney songs about unrequited love because that’s what Shakespeare and Dashboard Confessional write about and i want to sound as poignant as they do. oh wait…i don’t live in east cobb anymore. nevermind. i just go have angry venting sex.

Fall or spring?
catapult

Hugs or kisses?
high fives. i try to avoid physical contact…its the germs. you know how it is, its nothing personal…[it really is]

Cherry or blueberry?
neither. barfarama!

Do you want your friends to repost?
if by friends you mean melanie and leigh and my dad, who are the only ones who read this which is a shame because i am FUCKING HILARIOUS, then no. stop trying to steal my thunder!

Who is most likely to respond?
your mom

Who is the least likely to respond?
Jesus

Who do you live with?
a radio dj and 2 “pets”

When was the last time you cried?
when Kelly told Zack that she wanted to break up because she was in love with her hunky new college-student boss at The Max, Jeff. the nerve…

What is on the floor of your closet?
lots and lots of dirty clothes. and by lots, i mean about a month’s worth.

What friend have you had the longest?
Jesus

What did you do last night?
fight crime

Favorite smell?
gasoline

What are you afraid of?
head lice and bad breath

Cheesy or spicy?
ninjas

Favorite vehicle?
tug boat. too cute!

Favorite dog breed?
Britneys and Japanese shins…shout out to Freckles and Daisy!!! sup homies!!!

Keys on your keyring?
maybe

How many years at your current job?
21…its pretty much my job to bring hope and joy to all those who meet me. like Unico. minus the horn.

Favorite day of the week?
friday…TGI Friday…Freaky Friday…i tend to go with the name brands

How many states have you lived in?
Louisiana Alabama Washington Florida Georgia and a short time in South Carolina

How many cities have you lived in?
if by “cities” you mean “shantytowns”, none…i waaaay too good for that.