i should just have my own tv show.

it would be so much more efficient.

and i’m entertaining enough. i was born with the laugh of God.
you can’t help but love it.

i just really don’t want anything to do with MTV. but vh1 is cool.

UPDATED

I write blogs instead of saying things to your face because i’m very, very bad about articulating my emotions on the spot, but very, very good at writing them. and since i’m so amazingly brilliant at complicating everything, it takes me a while to find the right words to express exactly what i’m feeling, so i need to ability to review and edit. but most importantly, i’m a big fat wuss who would much rather look stupid on the internet than stupid in person. you may think its childish, or passive-aggressive, or whatever. i just like writing, and i didn’t write any of them (initially) intending for you to read them, so take a chill pill. and either you didn’t read them all, or you’re not very good at reading between the lines, because you shouldn’t be mad, not at all. But I’ll spare you the detective work and spell it out for you…

I can’t pretend to not have feelings for you anymore, and I believed Mario so quickly because I was looking for an out. There’s no sense in me vying for anything serious with you, especially not now, and with me leaving in less than 3 weeks. But its getting too hard for me to sleep with you and not be a stupid girl about it, it makes me feel psycho and i fucking hate that, more than anything in the world, so I just assume we end things altogether rather than drag out the inevitable.

So now you know. I’m crazy about you, and I fucking hate it. I really wish we met after I got back from Cyprus. I’m saying this without any clue as to how you feel about me, but it would be a damn shame if bad timing and unnecessary drama killed our chances of anything happening between us (INSANELY unnecessary drama. I mean, this whole situation is beyond fucked up. Its overwhelming. Either you are lying to me, or Mario is lying to me, which fucking blows either way. I’m really irritated with you two. Both of you need to quit drinking so much and own up to what you do). Oh well. I’m not pushing it…I’m not even telling you I posted this. You could go the rest of your life having no clue. But at least its off my chest. God bless the internet.

P.S. I can’t decide what I’m more afraid of…getting my heart broken, or looking like a fool.